Why Chuck Norris Rocks
Nicole Gonder
Issue date: 11/19/08 Section: Entertainment
So, I honestly intended to review the new Shiny Toy Guns' CD "Season of Poison," which came out last week and totally rocks. The plan was to write a top 10 list of asses that the new CD could kick. Somehow I ended up on a Chuck Norris Web site for inspiration, and then it got too epic for me to ignore.
And then… well, I figure that since we are all in a mild state of panic right now trying to get everything done by the end of the semester, I might as well share the best Chuck Norris facts (and they are facts) of all time, courtesy of the Internet. Enjoy, and don't forget to relax.
And know that Chuck is always watching.
Facts:
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
-In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
-China was once bordering the United States until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.
-If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
-When Chuck Norris had surgery the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
-Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty.
-Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.
-Once, a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
-If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f--- down.
-Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
And then… well, I figure that since we are all in a mild state of panic right now trying to get everything done by the end of the semester, I might as well share the best Chuck Norris facts (and they are facts) of all time, courtesy of the Internet. Enjoy, and don't forget to relax.
And know that Chuck is always watching.
Facts:
-There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
-In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
-China was once bordering the United States until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.
-If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
-When Chuck Norris had surgery the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
-Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty.
-Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.
-Once, a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
-If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f--- down.
-Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
Leeroy Jenkins
posted 11/19/08 @ 4:11 AM EST
-Chuck Norris once blew a plane out of the sky by pointing at it and saying "bang".
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